Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
