Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
