I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
