You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Your face is a jimmy john
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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