i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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