K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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