dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
