I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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