just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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