I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
