Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
