Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
