I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize