I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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