So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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