I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
