I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
