can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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