I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
