My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
