Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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