idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
