so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
