what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
