Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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