i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
