So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
