Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
