the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
then he tried to convert me to islam
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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