This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
