he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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