so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
