Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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