you win again, gameday.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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