Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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