i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
