I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
