He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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