1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
