I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
