does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
