i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
