well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
