There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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