sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
