I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
