Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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