Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
