I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
