i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
