He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
